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diff --git a/txt/brain.txt b/txt/brain.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4dd4a5f --- /dev/null +++ b/txt/brain.txt @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + Sometimes, people are seen as their disorder. Other times, + the disorder is completely erased. Neither is good. + + On one hand, I want people to see me as a person like them, + and to speak to me on grounds of us both being human. I want + them to talk to me as myself, not just as an autistic person, + or a depressed person, or whatever else. They're not talking + to my mental illness. In truth, I don't know and can't be sure + of how others really perceive me, especially since I do not + have my issues plastered on my face. Well, usually. ADHD and + autism can be pretty visible on me. Regardless, I don't know + whether people attach it to my existence in their heads. + However, all through school years, I was infantilised by my + classmates. I was younger than them. This frustrated me + as I grew up. Sometimes I leaned into it because it meant + they can easily dismiss my strange behaviour as childish + instead of pathologizing it. Part of me doesn't want being + strange to be the main component of somebody else's perception + of me when they are talking to me. + + On the other hand, I'm sick of trying to act normal. I don't + want to continue pretending that my mental illness doesn't + affect me and to try and be seen as normal. I'll never be + normal by common standards. Maybe by someone else's standards, + I'm perfectly fine (see anti-psychiatry). ADHD is actually not + the concern here. It's a very common disorder. Acceptance is + increasing, too. Other issues people may have, however, + remain stigmatized, especially personality disorders and + schizophrenia spectrum, but I digress. The other part of me + wants to embrace the times I've been called mad. If people + are going to hate me or be scared of me, I'm going to give + them a reason to. I'm going to become a vampire. On a more + serious note, I want people to acknowledge that the way I think + and act, no matter how odd, is because of my mental illness. + I don't want them to reduce me to it, but to acknowledge it as + a part of me. + + Some people insist that creativity is separate from mental + illness, and I agree. Human creativity isn't indicative of + an issue. Making colorful geometric art does't mean you've + taken psychedelic drugs, for example. And you don't need to + be depressed to make meaningful or poignant art. Despite that, + I've noticed that the works of mine that I like most come + from deep in my psyche, and my psyche is ill.
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